Going to church with five little ones in tow is not for the weak. So, not for me, the weakest link of them all. I've been doing it anyway. I've always taken my family to church. We are almost always on time for sacrament meeting and stay all three hours. I have never questioned that this isn't what I should do until recently. Recently I've really started questioning the why behind putting myself through such a difficult day. It's really important to me that my children don't think of Sunday and associate it with a stressful, miserable day.
But that's how I feel. Stressed and miserable.
Our ward recently switched to the 9 am church time. It's the worst. Why is it that every third year when 9 am church rolls around I have an infant? I mean, I didn't plan that well at all. It is so damn hard to get out the door. There is nothing peaceful, or restful about it. It takes an awful lot of work to make it happen. Once we get there we're like a circus in an otherwise quiet ward that has very few children. It can be embarrassing. I'm so terrified my skirt is going to fall down while I'm chasing my 3 year old who inevitably escapes me every week during sacrament meeting. I wear leggings every Sunday cause I for real am afraid, and want to be prepared!
Meanwhile, back at the ranch other important and necessary things fall by the wayside like preparing meals and such. You mean you want me to get my family of 7 to church and keep the Sabbath day holy by not hitting up Chuck a Rama afterwards!? Church is out at noon and then I've got to keep my family entertained for the next NINE hours till bedtime and all I want to do is take a eight hour nap. No, really I do. It just feels so daunting.
Anyway, you get the point I'm trying to make, don't you?
Now, I'm going to continue on with why I'm still doing this. Maybe another mother that finds herself in the same boat will read this someday and she'll be able to continue on too. The rest of you can leave now if you want. Or stay. But, I might get wordy, and you'll wish to yourself that I'd just shut up already.
Last month in fast and testimony meeting a counselor in the Primary Presidency got up and shared her testimony. I couldn't repeat verbatim what she shared, but I'll never forget the feeling I felt. She mostly spoke of our Savior's love for the little children. She shared that the primary room is actually a sacred place, even though it can and does get loud and rowdy sometimes, it's where little children learn of Christ and Heavenly Father and will feel of their love for them.
But think about that for a minute. A sacred place. If nothing else I want my children to feel those special feelings that can come to them there.
I love the primary. I am ward librarian, and get to spend a lot of time near the primary room. I love to hear the littles sing and share their testimonies and play games and have sharing time. It's where my children should be every Sunday. So I will go. Every week. Someday it will get easier, and I will more fully enjoy church again. I feel useless there most the time. But right now I am raising my family and that is important too.
The counselor that shared this testimony was Stacie. I think I listened harder cause it was her. I really love and look up to her. I don't really have a title for this amazing woman. She is my friend, my visiting teaching partner, she is an example and a mother figure, she has soooo many qualities that I envy, no covet! shhhh. Although we are sooooo different (like she's organized like no ones biness)(and petite and healthy and a runner and beautiful and refined) we have a very similar life path, those are the best people you can have in your life! She is humble and willingly shares regrets she has, and things that she wishes she'd done differently as she raised her children. Her experiences though different than mine help me on my way. She has nearly raised six amazing children. She isn't perfect, I know, but.. she has raised her children with passion. She spends hours and hours every week helping children who are struggling to learn to read. She's thoughtful, and helpful.
I just want to document that we love Stacie. My little boys chatter about Stacie on the daily and pretend they're talking to her on calculators and stuff, haha! She's engaging and pretty to look at, and little boys love that.
I love when her baby snuggles up to her in church. Why do I love it? cause her baby is SIXTEEN. That makes it extra sweet...and it warms my heart.
I love when my baby snuggles up to her too.